In Genesis 2:18, we read that “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”

We can gain insight into what being a “suitable helper” is by examining the meaning of the words. A helper is “a person who contributes to the fulfillment of a need.” Suitable means “appropriate for a condition.” So we see that a “suitable helper” is one who is appropriately created to contribute to our husband fulfilling God’s plan.

We, as wives, are the helpers that God created for our husbands. Even though we are different in many ways, we are suitable for them. God created us to help them become all that He created them to be. We are God’s gift to complete them.

How do we complete them? By encouraging, supporting, honoring, submitting and praying for them. Without our encouragement, they will never aspire to reach their full potential. Without our support, they will never fulfill their destiny or experience fulfillment. Without our honor, they will never be respected or respectful. Without our submission, they will never become the priest of our home. Without our prayers, they will never be the man of God, husband, or father that God created them to be.

We complete them when we are the woman and wife that God desires us to be. In being the person that God has created us to be, we become a suitable helper for our husband. God created us with the unique capacity to help our husband.

Remember that a helper is one who “contributes to the fulfillment of a need.” We are created to help fill a need in their life, not fill the need. Only God can fill the deep needs in their life. Each one of is created with needs that others are to help meet, but no one person will fill every need. God creates us to be interdependent upon one another for help, but only dependent upon Him to fill every need. Our loving Father created us for one another.

All too often, we forget that we are created to complete our husband, not compete with him. Sometimes, we do this so subtly that we don’t even realize we do it. However, there are a few obvious ways. We can compete with them when we desire and demand attention from others. We compete with them when we desire credit for something. We compete with them when we don’t allow them to make decisions because we believe we can do it better or are afraid they will make a mistake.

What a tragic mistake to compete with the one we have the opportunity to complete. Not only do we hinder our husband when we compete with them, we hinder what God can do in us and for us. We also assume a masculine role that God never intended for us to take on.

You may be asking, “But what about me? Who completes me?” Just as we complete our husband, so does he complete us. When we truly step back and take our eyes off of our unmet needs and help our husband the way God intended, he will become the man, husband, and father that God created him to be. Then will he be better able to help us.

There is one letter that changes the word compete to complete – the letter "l." The letter "l" reminds me of the French word "elle." It is a feminine word that means “she.” When we stop trying to fill pants that we weren’t created to fill, we will no longer be a masculine competer, but a feminine completer.

“Then Abram went up from Egypt, he and his wife and all that he had, and Lot with him, to the South. Abram was very rich in livestock, in silver, and in gold. And he went on his journey from the South as far as Bethel, to the place where his tent had been at the beginning, between Bethel and Ai, to the place of the altar which he had made there at first. And there Abram called on the name of the Lord,” (Genesis 13:1-4).

Abram and Lot left Egypt and returned to Canaan. Abram returned to the place he had erected the altar and again called on the Lord.

“Lot also, who went with Abram, had flocks and herds and tents. Now the land was not able to support them, that they might dwell together, for their possessions were so great that they could not dwell together. And there was strife between the herdsmen of Abram’s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot’s livestock. The Canaanites and the Perizzites then dwelt in the land,” (Genesis 13:5-7).

Both Abram and Lot were wealthy men with many possession. As a result, they experienced crowded conditions in their confined space. Inevitably, there was strife between the two households.

“So Abram said to Lot, “Please let there be no strife between you and me, and between my herdsmen and your herdsmen; for we are brethren,” (Genesis 13:8).

Abram initiated a peaceful solution. We, also, are to seek peace. We are instructed in 1 Peter 3:11 to "turn away from evil and do good ... seek peace and pursue it.” Again, in Romans 12:18, we are directed to “live peaceably with all men.” Our reward for doing so will be that “the God of love and peace will be with” us (2 Corinthians 13:11).

Relationships are vitally important to God — first with Him and then with each other. His kingdom is made up of people like you and me over which He (the King) rules. When we “seek the kingdom of God,” we will be concerned with the people which make up His kingdom (and those He desires to bring into His kingdom by salvation through Jesus Christ). Then will “all these things ... be added” unto us (Luke 12:31). When we delight ourselves in the Lord (and His ways), He will “give us the desires of our heart” (Psalm 37:4).

“Is not the whole land before you? Please separate from me. If you take the left, then I will go to the right; or, if you go to the right, then I will go to the left” (Genesis 13:9).

Abram undoubtedly remembered the covenant promise spoken to Him by the Lord. Because He knew to whom He belonged and who would provide for Him, He allowed Lot to choose what seemed best to him. Abram didn’t need to manipulate a situation in order to make good on the word spoken to him, to get his fair share, or to help the Lord. Instead, Abram trusted God wholeheartedly to bring His word to pass.

Likewise, we are to remember God’s promises spoken to us. We are to trust the One who spoke them and anticipate their fulfillment. We don’t have to manipulate a situation, promote ourselves, strive in our own authority, or act presumptiously. We are to trust the Lord and respond to Him in obedience. Not one word that He has spoken will fall to the ground. He will watch over His Words ... and He will perform them (see Ezekiel 12:25).

“And Lot lifted his eyes and saw all the plain of Jordan, that it was well watered everywhere (before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah) like the garden of the lord, like the land of Egypt as you go toward Zoar. Then Lot chose for himself all the plain of Jordan, and Lot journeyed east. And they separated from each other. Abram dwelt in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelt in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent even as far as Sodom. But the men of Sodom were exceedingly wicked and sinful against the Lord,” (Genesis 13:10-13).

Lot was led by his natural senses; Abram was led by the Lord. Lot had an appetite for what was appealing, stimulating and pleasing to the eye; Abram had an appetite that only the Lord could fill. Lot sought to satisfy his flesh; Abram sought to please the Lord. Their actions indicated their heart attitude.

Lot chose to dwell among wickedness — in a place not ordained by the Lord. He chose not to separate himself unto the Lord. As a result, Lot was not connected to the people, opportunities, or destiny of God’s choosing. In fact, Lot as not rightly connected with the Lord because He chose to be out of His will.

The Lord calls us to be separate, to come out, to be set apart for His purposes (see 2 Corinthians 6:17). Our steps are to be ordered by Him (see Psalm 37:23). We must allow the Lord, not only to order our steps, but to choose our dwelling place. He desires to be our dwelling place (see Psalm 90:1 and Psalm 91:9), but also desires to place us in positions to make divine connections. When we are not in our place of divine connection, we are left to settle for relationships dictated by our geographical location, whether it be our place of residence, place of employment or church/group affiliation — rather than being divinely connected to those the Lord desires us to be joined with for His purposes. Remember, the kingdom of God is concerned with people. Being connected to the people of God’s choosing is important because with them we will walk through new doors of opportunities and into our destiny. When we are divinely connected by His leading, we are “built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit” (Ephesians 2:22). When we are not in our place of divine connection, we are left to settle for less than His best.

“And the Lord said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him; “Lift your eyes now and look from the place where you are — northward, southward, eastward, and westward; for all the land which you see I give to you and your descendants forever. And I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth; so that if a man could number the dust of the earth, then your descendants also could be numbered. Arise, walk in the land through its length and its width, for I give it to you,” (Genesis 13: 14-17).

The Lord reiterated His covenant promise to Abram. Perhaps the condition of his heart determined, not if the Lord would fulfill His Word, but when the Lord would bring His promises to pass.

The condition of our heart determines what the Lord can do in us and the extent to which He can prepare us for His purposes. The Lord will fulfill His Words because He is not a man that He should lie (see Numbers 23:19). He will bring His promises to pass at the appointed time. We must remember that a thousand years are like a day to Him (2 Peter 23:19). The timing of His promises being fulfilled to us may very well be determined by the condition of our heart.

Do we desire to seek an inheritance, destiny or ministry? Or, do we desire Him? We are to seek first His kingdom (Him and people) and all these things (inheritance, destiny, ministry, fulfillment) shall be added unto us — as we are mature enough to be a good steward of them. His desires for us are so much greater than we can even conceive. He desires all these things for us — and so much more. He desires that we be a channel of blessing through which His living water flows, not a storehouse where stagnant water stands still. We receive blessings (purpose, direction, ministry, insight, revelation, understanding, knowledge, resources) freely from Him and we are to freely share them with others. Those who have ears will hear what He speaks through us.

We must be willing to separate from strife, envy, greed, jealousy, contention, status, traditions and systems. We are not to be tempted by self-promotion, self-defense or self-justification. We also are not to be bound by a false sense of responsibility, a false sense of submission (or accusations of rebellion), or a false sense of obligation. (These are actually a result of “religious” strongholds.).

Like Abram, we are to leave Egypt and enter into the promises of God. Our spiritual Egypt is anything that keeps us bound. We are to leave those things that have the potential to bind us and inherit Him — His character, His humility, His heart, His attitude, His mind, His intents. Like Abram, we are to walk in what the Lord speaks. We are not to presume and speak forth (prophesy or name it and claim it) that which we want and desire, but are to wait on the Lord to speak into our heart. His ways are higher ... His thoughts are higher ... and His plans are higher.

“Then Abram moved his tent, and went and dwelt by the terebinth trees of Mamre, which are in Hebron, and built an altar there to the Lord,” (Genesis 13:18).

Abram moved his tent in response to the Lord’s leading. He went to the place that the Lord led him and dwelt there.

We also are to be led of the Lord. We are to seek Him in all things ... and follow where He leads. We are to seek Him concerning employment, place of residence, group/church affiliations, ministry involvement, relationships. Not only are we to seek Him, we are to follow where He leads — irregardless of the cost or inconvenience. Just as Abram did, we are to allow the Lord to move us. We are to allow Him to place us in ... key employment positions, communities, groups, churches. We are to allow Him to dictate our ministry involvement (if any) and connect us with the people of His choosing. We cannot remain in ... a job because it’s secure, a community because we’ve always lived there, a group because our friends participate, a church because of family affiliations or because we’ve been reared in that particular denomination. We must dwell in Him, allow Him to be our shelter, and follow where He leads. When we dwell where He leads, He will give an inheritance that is exceedingly, abundantly above all that we could ever ask, hope or imagine.

In following the Lord, we will have sacrificed our desires, agendas, plans, motives, aspirations, dreams, hopes, attitudes, beliefs, traditions ... flesh. As these things are sacrificed, we, as Abram, will be ready to build as the Lord leads. The Lord desires to build divine connections among people and ministries. The Lord also desires that we build an altar as Abram did. However, we will not build a monument of stones, but a spiritual altar. Our spiritual altar will ... be a testimony of His goodness and faithfulness, be the result of knowing and trusting Him intimately, and cause us to give all glory and honor to Him.

What is the Lord leading you to sacrifice on the altar to Him?

What will your spiritual altar resemble?

Scripture taken from NKJV. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

A girl was visited by a friend who proceeded to confide in her.

“I know I can trust you,” said the friend. “I really need to talk to someone and have them pray for me.”

The girl listened intently to each word, being careful not to miss a single one.

At the close of the conversation, the friend presented the girl with a long-stemmed rose and said, “My trust in you is as fragrant as this flower. My heart is as delicate. A part of my life has been placed in your care.”

With a final “thank you,” the friend left.

The girl thought about all the things told her as she held onto the rose.

The phone rang. An acquaintance from church called to say, “Hello.” Before hanging up the phone, the girl said, “I really need you to pray for my friend.” She then proceeded to share a couple of rose petals with the acquaintance.

A few minutes later, a neighbor stopped by. The neighbor shared her concern about another neighbor. As the girl listened, she thought of her friend and offered, “My friend’s going through the same thing.” Within minutes, the girl had shared a few more delicate rose petals before the neighbor left.

Shortly thereafter, the girl left home to visit another good friend. Soon after arriving, the other friend asked, “So, how’s your friend been doing?”

“Well,” said the girl, “she’s really been having a hard time.” Again, she shared a few more fragrant petals from the once beautiful rose.

The girl’s next stop was the grocery store. Pushing her grocery cart, she saw Mrs. Mouth at the opposite end of the aisle. The girl thought to herself, “This is the last person I want to be identified with. Why, she tells everything and if she doesn’t know it, she makes it up.” She wanted to turn around, but it was too late. Mrs. Mouth recognized her and waved as she hurried toward her.

Mrs. Mouth asked, “Have you heard about ‘so-and-so’?”

“No,” said the girl wearily as she propped her arms on the cart to listen. She was surprised at what she heard and thought to herself, “I sure didn’t know they were that type of person.”

Slowing down to take a breath, Mrs. Mouth said, “Gotta run, but just one more thing. Have you heard what’s been going on with your friend?”

As the girl listened to what Mrs. Mouth told her, the last remaining rose petals fell to the ground. What Mrs. Mouth said was not the truth. Even though Mrs. Mouth had been the one to speak this, the girl felt responsible.

As Mrs. Mouth left, the girl was left holding a stem of thorns. There was no fragrance of trust remaining, for she had betrayed that trust as she shared the petals of her friend’s heart. Try as she might, she’d never be able to collect the petals that had been lost, restore their fragrance, or attach them to the stem of thorns.

Gossip comes in many forms. No matter how it is disguised or what the motive is, gossip is gossip. Although most of us can identify with at least one of the characters or situations in the word picture, we would agree that gossip is far from a godly characteristic. In fact, the word gossips in the Greek is diabolos. It means traducer, special Satan, false accuser, devil, or slanderer.

Father is preparing a spotless bride – of which we are a part. He desires to “redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds” (Titus 2:14, NASB). He desires to work in us and through us. He has chosen to work through people since the beginning of time. However, we can’t be His mouthpiece when gossip comes from our mouths. Whether gossip spews or seeps from our lips is beside the point. He desires to speak through us without having to wade through the muck of gossip. His truth and love needs to be ministered – pure and untainted. Proverbs 15:4 says, “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit” (NIV). Not only are others wounded when we partake of gossip, so are we.

While some people may admit to listening to gossip or even sharing it occasionally, others are sure it has no place in their lives. However, it is very subtle. How else, but subtly, could the Father of Lies get Christians to try on and even wear his foul garment? Even though we may say we want no part of it, we must guard against being influenced by it.

If we’re not careful, we’ll put on the dirty garment of gossip and wear it. Eventually, we’ll become reluctant to take it off. We must never put this garment on. And if we’re wearing it, we must take it off. Now! And if we’re tempted to put it on every once in a while, then we must allow Father to burn it. As people bearing our redeemer’s name, we certainly want no part of this foul-smelling garment – “for we are to be reverent in our behavior, not malicious gossips” (Titus 2:3, NASB).

However, if we’re not careful, we – like the girl – may fall into one of these traps.

While the girl may have been quite sincere in asking for prayer for her friend, the details of the prayer request should have remained confidential. When we are asked to pray, we need to pray. If someone trusts us enough to ask us to pray, then it’s not a coincidence. God will honor the prayer of a righteous person. Proverbs 10:20 tells us that, “The tongue of the righteous is as choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value” (NIV). We want to be the choice silver with which Father serves others, but how righteous are we when we betray a confidence? (Is betrayal not wicked?) No matter how inadequate we feel, God is trying to work in us and through us. If He had wanted to work in and through our friend, He’d have led the person to share with our friend. So let’s not alert another person ... or the prayer chain.

Prayer chains can be a wonderful and effective tool; however, we must not let them become a disguise for gossip. We are to let the person decide whether or not to alert the prayer chain. Besides, in the time it takes us to alert the prayer chain, we could have already prayed.

I’ve had numerous occasions when others have called to share “confidential” prayer requests involving a third party. I used to feel “honored” that I was trusted, but when I realized that confidences were being betrayed, I became “irked.”

I remember one time in particular that someone confided a personal prayer concern. She also told me that she was seeking counsel from another person. When a friend called and asked how the other person (with whom she was barely acquainted) was, I was surprised and wondered why she even asked until she proceeded to tell me, “I know all about it. I was asked to intercede for this situation,” by the person giving counsel.

The girl volunteered information about her friend’s private life to her neighbor – perhaps to help or perhaps not. It’s true that testimonies can be a tremendous blessing to someone. However, when we want to share a testimony, we need to share our own – unless of course the other party has chosen to make this facet of their life public.

We must weigh our motive for sharing someone else’s life very carefully. Are we sharing because we genuinely want to help of are we merely making associations in the course of the conversation? If we genuinely want to help, we can always say, “I know someone who dealt with a similar concern. Would you mind if I asked them to get in touch with you?” After all, the main concern should be that the person is effectively ministered to – not that we minister.

God will give us many opportunities as we are able to deal with them and can be trusted with them. We are not all equipped to deal with every need in another’s life. Do we want to “help” out of our own expertise or allow Him to help – whether or not it is through us?

We, like the girl, may find it easy when we have mutual friends to share how the other is doing. We must be careful that we don’t share too much.

There are times when people ask out of genuine concern. Unless we know it is okay for us to share certain information, we are not to share it. And if we feel uncertain or uncomfortable, we don’t need to share it. We can always encourage the person asking by responding, “They’re doing fine” or “Keep them in your prayers.”

I remember a time someone shared a personal situation with several friends – including myself. At times, I found myself entering into a conversation to discuss this person when these friends asked how she was doing. I’m glad Holy Spirit revealed the truth of the situation to me. It was gossip!

Remember, the question is not whether or not something is common knowledge, but whether or not the person wants us to share (or discuss) this particular facet of their life.

If we sense someone is prying for information, we should avoid giving any information. If we don’t trust their motive, then we should not trust them with information. We can always say, “I don’t feel it’s my place to discuss this.” If they are persistent and chide, “Come on, you can tell me,” simply respond, “If you’re that concerned, then ask them.” Then, walk away and pray!

Most of us would prefer not to be identified as “Mrs. Mouth” or one who keeps company with those who, like her, gossip. I remember hearing a long time ago, “Those who gossip with you will gossip about you.” Similarly, Proverbs 20:19 warns us, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much” (NIV). While we may not be able to stop another person from gossiping, we can choose whether or not we listen to it. Everything we take in, whether by our eyes or ears, affects us. Most of us wouldn’t think of watching a dirty movie or listening to profanity. They pollute our spirit. If we feed our spirit pollution, it can damage or retard the growth of anything good. The same is true of gossip. Even though we may not feed on a constant diet of gossip, those small appetizers poison our spirit and can spill out onto the lives of others.

I remember a time when an acquaintance from church called to tell me about the marital difficulties of one of my co-workers. I didn’t want to be rude or offend the lady, so I listened. I couldn’t quite understand why she called because I wasn’t close friends with either person. She ended the one-sided conversation with, “I just thought you’d want to know.” At the beginning of the conversation, I should have politely said, “No, I didn’t know, but I’ll be sure to keep them in my prayers. Thanks for calling. Good-bye!” With any persistence on the lady’s part, I could have responded, “I really don’t need to hear this. It’s not any of my business.” In listening to this gossip, I chose to take part in it.

What we hear about another person, whether or not it is true, will forever change the way we think about and relate to that person. While there may be times that we need to know something, we need to be very discreet concerning what we “hear” and from whom we hear it.

When our mind is clouded with gossip, we are more likely to hear it rather than Holy Spirit concerning a person. And, to whose voice would we rather listen - the voice of gossip of the voice of Holy Spirit?

If we find ourselves in a place where we hear more about another person from some source other than Holy Spirit (unless that is the job Christ has ordained for you), we need to evaluate and possibly change our position. Consider the following places and situations: the work lounge, restrooms – even at church, a prayer line – as others are being ministered to, as someone is sharing a personal prayer concern with someone else, or an intercessory prayer meeting.

Perhaps some of us feel like the friend in our word picture. If we are the object of gossip, we must leave it in Father’s hands. We are to bless those who curse us and pray for those who mistreat us (see Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:28 and Romans 12:14). We must forgive the person involved and ask Father to heal us. When the matter is placed in His hands and left there, He will “handle” it. If we try to defend or justify ourselves, then we take it out of His hands. The choice is ours; however, all things are better off in His hands.

We must be careful not to allow questions of “why” to consume our thoughts. It is at these times that we must pray. Besides, the motives of another person are really not important. What is important is how we choose to respond. God knows our hurt – and our hearts – and will take care of them.

We must not try to “cure” other people of gossip. We must ask Holy Spirit to deal with us in this matter. We can’t go clean someone else’s house before our own is clean. Besides, the Word is clear – we are not to try to remove the speck from someone else’s eye when we have a log in our own eye (see Matthew 7:3-5 and Luke 6:41-42). Our vision and perception of the issue at hand may be blurred due to issues in our own life. Father will deal with us and He’ll deal with others.

There may be times that we feel we must say “something” to someone regarding gossip. At these times, we must be sure to seek Father before we seek the person. If He leads us to confront someone, we must do so out of love.

God is love. When we are conformed to His character, His love is manifested through us – even when we gently confront someone with His truth. James 5:19-20 says, “My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth, and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the effort of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins” (NASB). This is not our license to point out someone’s shortcomings, but rather our opportunity to manifest Christ’s love to them.

Jesus was always around those who had “strayed” in some way or another; however, they were always comfortable around the sinless One. He neither condoned their sin nor condemned them. While they listed to His words, they experienced His love. They didn’t feel condemnation (from His words); they felt conviction that led to change (from His love). When we walk in the character of Jesus, others will experience His love through us. It is His love that “covers a multitude of sins,” (1 Peter 4:8, NASB).

The rose is a fragrant and beautiful flower. The same stem with no petals, when twisted, can be made into a crown of thorns. The One who wore our crown of thorns is the same One who forgives us and changes us – when we entrust all the roses in life’s garden to Him. On our own, we may not be able to change what we say, but God can. He only needs all of us – roses, stems, and thorns – yielded to Him.

If you desire to yield this part of your life to Him, pray this prayer and expect results!

Father, I come to you through your precious Son, Yeshua. Search me and test my heart. I yield to you – my heart, my will, my mouth, my desires, my all. See if there is any offensive way in me – including gossip. Lord, I want to think on and speak of those things which are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. Give me a pure heart, for it is out of my heart that my mouth speaks. Season my speech, for I want to speak blessings to you and others. I need you to work in me and desire you to work through me. Show me those things of which I need to repent. I repent of _________________________. May I not repeat these sins again. Help m to forgive __________________________ for __________________________ and heal my wound. In Yeshua’s name I pray. Thank you, Father. Amen.